She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
