I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
