It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
