I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
