omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
