I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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