You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
