He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
