we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
