So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
