when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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