i need an iv and a liver transplant
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
