i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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