so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
