Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
