i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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