a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
