I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
