woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
