You smell like stripper and shame
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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