so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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