of course. lets lasso hookers.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
