Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
