I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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