speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
