Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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