so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
where does the pee come out of this thing
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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