His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
