I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
