Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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