you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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