I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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