youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
