i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
