Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
