Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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