Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
