Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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