He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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