It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
