dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
