Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
