What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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