The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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