Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
