Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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