Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
