After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
