Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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