if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
